Is your online dating experience losing traction because you’ve been striking out on email replies? Can’t seem to get women to respond to your emails? Online dating sites can open up a whole new world of possibilities, allowing you to find the right match for you by comparing profiles, reading reviews and exchanging information by email that could lead to a date, a casual hook-up, friends with benefits, or something more. Asking a woman out doesn’t have to be a clumsy experience but making the best of online dating still takes a little finesse.
Matchmaking experts have all kinds of ideas and online dating tips on how to write emails that get a response from women and help you stand out from the crowd. You may already have great photos and a witty profile page that’s generating attention, just not the kind you want. You might be great at initiating conversation by email, but have a harder time sustaining the exchange with your responses. Luckily, there are a few simple adjustments you can make that will drastically improve your results.
Here are some do’s and don’ts of asking a woman out by email:
1· Do Be Tasteful. There’s nothing wrong with a sense of humor, or with being provocative, but crude expressions and explicit content are likely to get you flagged for inappropriate content and removed from dating sites promptly. Women appreciate a man who can be naughty and nice with his choice of words. Leave room for the imagination rather than writing explicit, graphic descriptions of your sexual prowess.
2· Don’t Be Cliché. It’s perfectly fine to use catch phrases and expressions we’re familiar with, but if you’re trying to make an impression on a prospective date by email, put a little effort into ideas for your first date. Find out what interests you share and seek out an occasion you’ll both enjoy. Consider events that stimulate the mind (plays, art exhibits, author readings) instead of a nightclub or local sports bar. Show her some depth to your personality and she’ll be intrigued.
3· Do Make Her Feel Special. Posting an online dating profile can feel a bit intimidating. Knowing you’re only one of ten thousand single women or men in your neighborhood or locality also means being compared and rated next to the competition. If you find a profile that catches your eye, what is it that compelled you to connect with her? Instead of telling her you love girls with tattoos, tell her why you like her tattoo and what you think it might say about her. If she posts a photo of her in a sexy outfit, comment instead on her facial features, hair or smile as her most attractive physical quality. Complimenting her breasts will probably make her reconsider the photo and exchange it for something that will invite less juvenile replies.
4· Do Start With a Great Title. Some of the best novels and films carry titles that evoke a sense of mystery or curiosity: Pale Rider, The Godfather, Ex Machina, A Tale of Two Cities – they titillate as well as mystify. Of course, you’re not writing a suspense action thriller but thoughtful email titles will stand out when she scrolls down her inbox for new mail. If your title is bold but mysterious, you’ll find your response rate will quickly start to climb instead of disappearing among all the other content piling up in her Gmail account. Short and sweet is best.
5· Don’t Plagiarize. You might be tempted to borrow a witty pick-up line from a movie you thought was obscure, but don’t attempt to pass it off as your own. Taking lines from profiles of other single men will hardly make you stand out as unique. Sending the same email reply to twenty different women could come back to bite you in the behind. If you’re plagiarism is discovered later, you’ll hurt your credibility and come off as a real tool.
6· Do Keep it Honest. While most men have a tendency to exaggerate their income, height, and sexual prowess, misrepresenting yourself to a prospective date is the best way to guarantee she never sees you again. Posting an image of how you looked five years ago, before the paunch, will only draw charges of false advertising and rightly so. Think of how you feel when you find out the girl you’re dating is actually a brunette and not a genuine blond. No one likes to be deceived or manipulated.
7· Don’t Monopolize the Conversation. The goal of your email reply should be to inspire a conversation that will help you both get to know each other better. Express an interest in her by asking questions, but don’t cross-examine her like a crown prosecutor trying to break down the star witness. Keep your questions open-ended rather than yes or no. Instead of asking “Do you like sports?” you could ask her “What was your favorite past time growing up?” By posing questions that require thoughtful reflection, you’ll draw out a more in-depth response that could reveal points of common ground you both share.